i'm back

i just realised my last post was in 2008 & i guess i've been having really good time last year so i got nothing to complain about in xanga....

i'm back becuz i need a space to put down my thoughts....

i had my worst days in my past 3 mths....

he's gone.... i can't believe my love of my life will leave me like that...

no matter how hard i try.... how positive i'm trying to be, its still hard to face the cruel reality....

i know i'll learn from this huge lesson & live thru it, what i need is time.... i'm sure i'll grow up to be a stronger person if i dun give up....

wish me luck...

what to put in your mind?

i spent most of my 20s in love adventure, desperate to look for the right guy and all my energy & my thoughts are poured into one single area - love.... after i found mine, i started to shift the focus to my career, i changed jobs, i took my jobs seriously, but then later i realise i aint a career woman & i could never excel in the corporate world, a job is just a job, when u leave the company, your relationship with it is cut off, nothing is left with you....now i just treat my job with a lighthearted attitude and life is so much calmer! but then another problem comes up, i have no focus in my life, i just got married i dun plan to have kids until 2 yrs later, and i dun really have a goal to pursue at the moment...

so i started to stuff my mind with loads of knowledge, i watched so many educational TVs i think i am becoming a nerd, i am addicted to history channel & discovery channel.... i started to realise i know so little about the world & i am not sure if knowledge is power but the chinese saying is 一命、二運、三風水、四積陰德、五讀書, the first 2 is not under my control, the 3rd one i am not really into it, so what i can do is the 4th & 5th one! even it's not gonna have big change in your life, there is nothing to lose to acquire more knowledge.... and if i am lucky enough to be a mom in the future, at least i can give better guidance to my kids!

after realising i know so little about the world, i started to regret why i never put my heart in study when i was in schools? i got pretty good grades but i just used my short term memories to remember everything & i never really understand the significance of the subject matters. I guess one great source to keep yourself alive is too keep curious about the world... and HK education system definitely kill kids' curiosity! when i look at my cat, everyday, he sees the world as a brand new world (maybe they're blessed with no long term memory, i am not sure), but look at his bright curious eyes, i get jealous! he's so happy with this world while we - human beings - which are supposed to have much higher intelligence, we are so arrogant that we think we know it all and we just take everything for granted! how sad it is.... what we have are intelligence but not wisdom, we only put our mind in daily mundane & material possession that kinda shit... are we really on the right track?

of course as a tiny member of the society, i dun think i can change much, but at least i wanna start the change from within myself as a first step.... i think there is more meaning attached to life rather than just eat, sleep & shit.... i think we should always evolve to be a wiser person, never give up learning, never get self contented too easily, try to put down our ego, admit that we're not good enough, or maybe we can learn from ancient wisdom, when there's not much technology to rely on, human used to rely pretty much on their own, and with less distraction from the material world, i do believe our ancient ancestors are way wiser than us.... maybe in this way we can evolve to be a better mankind?

i am back...

as i am back to the boring corporate world, i'm back to xanga again.... wonder who's still on xanga lately....have been a lazy bitch in the past 6 mths and he's so worried i am gonna be a tai tai in the rest of my life, he kinda forced me to look for a job and thats how i ended up with this job.....

there is nothing exciting about this new job, and after all the excitment i got from my wedding, going back to a normal life in fact is quite boring and lonely.... so i am glad that i have this job which helps kill most of my time and pay my bills...

looking back at my old posts, i realise how much my life has changed, and i'm so glad i finally kinda grown up for a bit... the sad thing is i think i lost many friends becuz i can no longer be the same person... i guess life just moves on... and when you get older, its just natural that you will only stay close to people that really matters, its the quality that counts not quantity, and i'm so thankful for what i have now....

i'm so into those geeky tv drama lately... i watched Numbers the other day and that kinda cute mathematician said one thing that i found so true... he quoted George Washinton saying..."Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. True friendship is a plant of slow grow, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation."... i really love it....

i was actually a bit frustrated when i ran into her a few weeks ago, she's the one who introduced me to my hubby and it's such a sad thing that we can no longer be friends, i thought i have forgiven her, but when i ran into her again, her despiteful attitude was telling me she never want my forgiveness... how stupid i am.... to think that she's the closest friend i've ever had... its the weirdest moment when we ran into her and i really had hard feelings when she only wanted to say hi to my hubby... anyway i just want her to get out of my life....

i think i have done so many stupid things in my 20s that people dun really care who i really am, but afterall i never did anything evil.... why some old pals still have to judge me in such a bad manner? why cant we be who we are? why i have to be like everyone else?

ok i should stop complaining & gotta go back to work....

蔑死d電車男

星期二去睇o左色戒, 實在好鐘意, 李安真係好犀利..... 佢將情與慾拍得極其準確....o個幾幕真係不得了.....

成套戲既悲情又感性, 偏偏我隔理就坐o左兩件不知所謂o既電車男物體, 真係好想打爆佢地個頭, 佢地乜春都笑一餐, 影住這狗又笑, 女主角們講上海話又笑, 大佬呀, 故事發生o係上海, 真係唔明講上海話到底有乜好笑? 最離譜係o個幾幕大家睇到屏息靜氣o既性愛場面, 佢地都o係度笑, 激死我, 完全影響我睇戲o既心情, 又不斷o係度ji ji jum jum, 香港d 男人係o米咁冇水準呀! 不知所謂!最後, 我潑辣的好友當然係頂佢地唔順, 出聲鬧佢地啦, 然後呢兩條mou lay就乖到好似小學生俾訓導主任鬧完咁, eh到唔敢eh....

fuck this fat bitch